Sunday, 30 October 2011

Sudan: We love you Bashir, let us 'delusional' together

Remember a while back when Sudanese people decided to boycott meat because the prices were too high? Well, according to recent developments, all this was a waste of time. Primarily because our president, Omar Hassan Ahmed Al Bashir, decided to give away - not sell - 20,000 sheep to Egypt.

The man donated sheep to Egypt. He's donating things! Last week he said that the government is working on a solution to the global economic crisis, which was delusional enough earn him Mayoral status in Tijani Al Mahi Hospital on Foursquare. But this, this is just ridiculous.

There are only two ways to explain this. It's either Omar Al Bashir doesn't know what sheep are, or the Sudanese themselves are delusional. I'd normally go with the former, but unfortunately there's evidence to prove the latter.

See, in order to donate sheep, or anything, to another country, Mr President would have to first think of the gesture. Deem it acceptable. Then say it out loud, to whoever is next to him at the time. We already know his IQ isn't that much more than that of a baseball bat, so we'll just accept this first stage.

Unfortunately, after letting the voices in his head loose Mr Bashir would have to get a second opinion. So, this second opinion would also have to agree that it's a good idea to donate sheep to Egypt. So it does.

Then - because the NCP is a democratic party - Mr Bashir would approach his Minister of Agriculture, someone called Salah Yousif. This approach is about feasibility more than an opinion. However, an opinion will be given, and feasibility would probably have been given an ancillary role.

So thus far you have Omar Al Bashir, a second person and Mr Yousif all agreeing that donating 20,000 sheep to Egypt is a good idea. OK? Now, all they have to do is convince Mr Finance Minister - well not convince, but tell him - that they need money for 20,000 sheep. So they tell him. The Finance Minister, Ali Mahmoud, would first object, but because the NCP is a democratic party, he wouldn't have a choice but to get on board with the plan.

Now, Mr Bashir has the idea, it's very feasible, and there's a budget for it. Apparently. Don't know how. But there is. A budget. For it. There's a budget for donating sheep to Egypt.

The next step would be to find the sheep. Well, he can't get them from Darfur, because obviously Khartoum and Darfur are on bad terms; maybe when they're back on good terms Al Bashir might decide to donate some sheep to them. So Mr Bashir looks elsewhere for the sheep. Most probably Al Gezira. So he finds the sheep.

The process of getting 20,000 sheep on horseback - or whatever technology is available to them - and sending them to Egypt will involve hundreds of people; from sheep herders, to the horse owners and sheep counters. All of whom will be aware of the fact that these sheep are going to Egypt as a Eid gift. All of whom, most probably, cannot afford meat, or even 'mea'.

The number of officials involved in this process is very significant. And the fact that it's actually happening proves that none of them could see anything wrong with it. Not the donation part, nor the 20,000 part. They can't even see that donating sheep is wrong. Sudan donating sheep is like India setting up dating sites to encourage people to have children.

All this just proves that Omar Al Bashir is not the only delusional person in Sudan. More evidence can be found in the recent protests in Sudan against Bashar Al Assad's crackdown on Syrian protesters. This is ludicrous. A miniature Kaaba donated by Omar Al Bashir to the Vatican City makes more sense. How do these people think?

This last week has been yet another embarassing one for Sudan, and unfortunately this time, some citizens played their part. The only sane beings left in Sudan are the sheep it seems; but they're all getting shipped off to Egypt. So.. Umm.. We're pretty screwed.


@sofstar99 said...

First of all, great post! keep it up! :)

However, I believe that there is always a certain amount of rationality behind every decision..
no matter how delusional that decision may seem..but trying to make sense of this madness is like trying to explain why Sudanese men walk around the office in flip-flops (sifinjaat)! *typing this with my legs crossed and waving my sifinja back n forth as it hangs off my big toe*

I honestly can’t find the rationality behind any of these actions...however, the fallacious logic I reached was (it's embarrassing to write this on ur blog..but here it goes), this is a typical "I'm leaving and taking my ball with me" mentality.

I know..I know..ruling Sudan is not their ball..but then again, remember, we have heard many statements from NCP officials such as "We took this rule by force, if u can take it from us, step up!" (Ref: chair throwing incident in London). Therefore from their point of view, ruling Sudan IS their ball.

It's becoming more and more blatant that Sudan is in a state of collapse (sad to say but true!).
We can see this collapse in every aspect of the country: politically, economically and socially. #failedstate

So I think that it's safe to say that we are witnessing the beginning of the end, for this nizam. Even though it looks like it will take a while, but then again..this time last year..Kanzaffi (Ref: @his_moezness) was Africa's King of Kings.

This seems to be the best time to take your ball and go home! But FIRST! u need to fill that ball with lots of cash! (Ref: visits to Kuwait, France and Qatar with a money basket, one with many holes in it).

Btw, this begging would make perfect sense if you were to use foreign exchange reserves to stabilize the market and revive the economy by getting foreign currency to support the SDG, but dude, Kuwait alone gave Sudan 3 billion USD in December 2010..don't get me started on Qatar! What happened to all of that!?

So looks like they r taking their ball and going home soon..and on the way home they are kicking, punching and spitting sa3ood on everything they see in their path!
Giving Egypt cows is a below the belt punch to the RoSS..because they love cows! do the Indians..maybe the NCP hates Indians too.
Giving Egypt sheep is a below the belt punch to Darfur..
Giving an a za Egypti anysing beelow za belt bunching to @his_moezness (Ref: Egyptian guy next to me)

szina said...

Love the post just as much as the comment. Very funny and thought provoking!