Sudan is indebted to almost every monetary institution in the world with the word "loan" on its About Us page. The country is very close to having an account with the local vegetable seller.
The problem is that when you hear such figures you might think yes, the country borrows a lot, but borrowing is necessary for development in Third World countries. No. The money borrowed is spent on the military and the security apparatus. So the only thing that's developing is the regime's insecurities.
Omar Al Bashir, who's fat, said that Sudan will be working diligently to try and pay off these debts. He said that, in the next OECD conference in Turkey, they will cooperate with Western countries in an effort to relieve Sudan of its debts. Mind you, these are the same countries that he recently said are "under his shoe". Whatever that means.
So now Sudan - the most targeted country in the world according to NCP officials - will be seeking debt relief from the same countries that are targeting it. Targeting it because obviously it's a paragon for Islamic democracy and a regional beacon of hope. It is the most efficiently run country in the world, and the West is just hating on it because "it be getting that paper, son".
Not only is Omar Al Bashir being a hypocrite, but he's actually justifying the West's position on Sudan. Yes, the West is targeting Sudan, but not because of its Islamism or its rogue regime, but because Sudan's stupidity needs to be contained. Imagine if Sudan was allowed to participate in global economic development or political conferences, our representatives would talk so much nonsense they might infect others. Then Europe will start thinking the secession of the South is the reason behind Greece's debt, Japan would blame Darfur rebels on the earthquake, and the US government will start a war with Detroit because there are too many black people there.
So the government is now so desperate that it's seeking help from the decadent West; the Muslim-hating, anti-Islamic, alcohol-drinking, light skin-having West. Why not though? I mean China doesn't give out loans unless you have something significant to offer in return, and India shouldn't give out loans but if it does, they should be given in humans not money. So the only way out of this predicament is for the government to go back on its words and beg for help. A valiant effort given the Sudanese people's desperate situation. But wait, there's more.
Ali Mahmoud, Sudan's Finance Minister, decided that he's done with common sense and that henceforth he's going to stop thinking, for at least a couple of months. He came out recently to say that the Sudanese economy is actually better than the US economy. Yes, he said that. I swear to you.
Who says that? I mean really, who? Mind you, the worst part wasn't what he said; it was the fact that he eventually tried to justify it. I mean, if someone showed up to talk to the press, said "Sudan's economy is better than the US's" and left, it would be acceptable. I'd just think that he was on crack. But when you say such a thing, and actually hang around to try and justify it, that's when you know God has forgotten about Sudan.
So as a Sudanese, I feel we need to look up to the sky and pray. Stupidity cannot be cured by protests or sanctions. It can only be cured by some prayer. So let's pray. Even if you're an atheist; pray to your whiskey bottle or arm chair that Sudan becomes spastic-free.