Saturday, 10 September 2011

Let's talk nonsense

To my surprise, surprise being an overstatement of course, I've become accustomed to skipping through my twitter timeline. There has been a prodigious amount of rubbish infesting my timeline recently. I thought people have become more aware, more mature. But no, we still dwell in the silliness that is similar to celebrity infatuations.

I think the reason behind most of this idiocy is the lack of decent news. By decent I mean gripping, infuriating; news that make you say "No f***ing way!" while your dad is around. But still, there's no excuse for emphasizing on futile subjects.

South Sudan, which is somewhere south of Egypt, gained its independence on July 9th 2011, after many years of civil war, uncertainty, tribal conflicts, political mind games, and a cowboy hat. The cowboy hat, however, is still in the picture. So this historic birth of the "world's newest nation" was widely celebrated by the Southern Sudanese, who always wanted independence, the Northern Sudanese, who don't know what they want, the West, who pretend to like black people, and the UN, because it's being run by a Chinese man.

When addressing the subject of South Sudan's independence most news agencies, and news individuals (better known as Blake Hounshells), concentrated on the challenges new countries face. Which is fine. But then, one day, one historic day, when the people of twitter all decided to be Justin Bieber for the day, the topic of discussion was how South Sudan was not yet incorporated into Google Maps. This was a month after independence. I'm sorry, but on a relevance scale this would be rubbing shoulders with George Bush's shoe size. Who cares? Really. How is a map, or a Google Map, going to make a difference? It's not like Salva "cowboy hats are hot on the street" Kiir and his cabinet rely on Google Maps for development decisions. I don't think anyone does. Maybe Sarkozy, but no one else.

Then, when you think that this is the zenith of nonsensical lows that we could ever reach, some idiot with a mustache and low self esteem tries to argue that Steve Jobs is Syrian. Let's say, for argument's sake, he was. Then what? Will it make Bashar Al Assad stop his slaughter house? Will it afford Syrians around the world a free iPad 2? Maybe, just maybe, every Syrian in the world will gain one or two cool points, but that doesn't matter, because the only people who rely on the cool scale all live with their mothers in a one bedroom house and use insect repellents as deodorant. It doesn't matter where Steve Jobs is from, all that matters is that he can't dress to save his life, hence probably why he has cancer.

Then you have the vociferous Egyptian activists, who have a sex life of a bedside lamp, trying to equate Mubarak's trial to the massacre happening in Syria. You have the Sherlock Holmes fanatics emphasizing on Gaddafi's whereabouts, and of course that utterly preposterous trial of Galliano, the hater of all Jews.

The fact of the matter is, Mubarak's trial has no significance whatsoever because justice is a myth, Egyptians should concentrate on what matters, and that's rebuilding their country. Gaddafi's location should be of no concern to anyone except his hairdresser. The guy is gone, the rebels control Tripoli, so they should start concentrating on the country's dire condition and let NATO and Fantastic Four find Gaddafi. Galliano's trial has to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. If this antisemitism nonsense is that serious then the authorities should incorporate it into all constitutions, using a feather and ink. Then they should all huddle up in one room, grab each other's testicles and pray to the Sun. Ridiculous.

And last but not least, the Arab Spring has not failed. The name is a big failure. But it has not failed. One dictator is in a bed in court, another is sunbathing in the Sahara with his African conscripts, one has half a face, and another doesn't understand the concept of a face, because his is an extension of his neck. So, no. The Arab Spring is doing well, taking its sweet time, but doing well nonetheless.

So I urge everyone to stop minding the useless side of the news and concentrate on what really matters. Also, stop asking stupid questions. I WILL report you, to someone, don't know who yet, maybe NATO since they're feeling macho these days.

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